1 year old

I've been thinking about what to say at this milestone for awhile now. Unfortunately, I've been really having trouble coming up with something that isn't trite or overly melodramatic. Eli is one. Wow.

We thought about doing a birthday party for him, but ultimately decided we'd rather wait to put on a big production until a time when he can actually stay awake through it and remember it. Instead, we celebrated with family. First, Chad's parents came down for a visit. We had a fun trip to the beach and Grandma Jacque baked Eli a surprisingly good low sugar cake. We topped it with whipped cream and cherries (which of course he preferred over the cake).

Then the next day we drove the 7 hours to my aunt Shelley's family cabin in the high sierras at Huntington Lake, CA. I've been fortunate to go there every few years since I was a young child and it's a very special place to me. It was great getting to share it with Eli!

He had a great time with my family and especially enjoyed played in the sand at the lake's edge. He crawled in the icy cold water a bit, too. Brr!

We spent some time on the dock warming up after swimming, and tried floating in the paddleboat for a few minutes (Cairo had to try it out, too).

On his actual birthday (Sunday, August 5th), we gave him the rest of Grandma Jacque's yummy cake. He tried a bit more of the cake that time, but still mostly ate the whipped cream and cherries.

On the development front, Eli is doing great. He's crawling really fast now and can stand up without holding onto anything. He's taken a few steps on his own, but still lacks the confidence to really start walking. I don't think it will be very long though.

He likes to laugh, especially at silly Grandma Kerry!

I <3 my little man more than I can ever express.

We are all going through a lot of changes right now. We decided to put our house on the market to take advantage of the rising home prices (and hopefully not take too much of a loss). We have been decluttering, fixing stuff, and painting like mad to get the house ready by the end of the month. The target date for getting it listed is Saturday, 8/25! Yikes!

On the TTC (Trying To Conceive) front, our first IUI was unsuccessful. I'm having surgery on Monday to remove a couple of pesky uterine polyps before we try again.

12 month stats:
Weight: 19lbs 11 ounces (8th %)
Height: 29.8 inches (47th %)
Head Circumference: 45.1 CM (15th %)
Teeth: 6
Words: Dada, uh oh, all done, mama (which really means "give me my milk NOW")

Here we go again...

As usual, life has been too busy for me to update as frequently as I'd like. Here's a brief recap of the past few months:

- Eli finally started crawling (around 10 months). He has a silly way of doing it -- he uses his left knee and right foot. He can actually move pretty fast that way, surprisingly. Also it makes transition to sitting or standing easy.
- At 11 months, Eli started really enjoying walking while holding onto someone's hands for support. He's currently able to walk with only 1 hand being held and can stand unassisted for a few seconds. I'd guess he's probably just a week or two away from being able to walk on his own!
- We had a really nice visit with my mom and dad in June.
- We had a really nice visit with Chad's parents, siblings, and our friends in Seattle. Eli did (mostly) great on the flights there and back. After nearly getting bumped from the return flight, we learned that we should always bring 24 hours worth of baby supplies on board with us...
- I finally finished crunching at work (yay!).
- Chad has started crunching at work (boo).
- We are probably going to put our house on the market next month-ish and hopefully upgrade to something bigger. Keeping a home in show-ready condition with a toddler, 3 cats, and 1 dog will be interesting...

 And to explain the title of this post, we are back on the TTC (Trying-To-Conceive) roller coaster. Are we crazy to go through this again? Quite possibly! Are we looking forward to pregnancy and the first 3 months of newborn hell? No, not at all. But we would really like Eli to have a sibling who's close in age.

I met with our Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Abdallah (now at American Reproductive Centers), on Monday. We are going to take the conservative route this time and have opted for IUIs (intra-uterine insemination) instead of IVF. The reasons for this are twofold: 1. My insurance actually covers IUIs, so our out of pocket costs will be minimal. We can't afford another IVF AND purchase a new house (after selling our current at a loss). 2. We're not convinced that we actually need to do IVF in order to conceive. I did get pregnant 5 times before the IVF (including 2x from IUIs). Assuming that my primary problem is my blood clotting issue, IUI should work if I start the blood thinner injections right away.

I started Clomid (an inexpensive fertility medication that will likely have a very minimal effect on me, but will hopefully regulate my follicle development a bit) last night. On Monday I'll have an ultrasound to see what my ovaries are up to. Assuming everything is going well, the IUI will probably be around July 26th.

Wish us luck!

9 Months

Eli loves his Grandpa Paul

Eli is 9 months old and growing up so quickly! I think he's really starting to look more like a toddler and less like a little baby. Developmentally he's doing great with everything except for gross motor skills -- he's still not really interested in crawling. I guess in some ways this is a blessing since it gives us more time to finish baby proofing the house... He only started sitting really well around 7.5 months, so it's not surprising that he's not ready to crawl yet.

Ooh, sand is so cool...

He's very talkative these days and can make quite a few different sounds. His favorites are "dada," "guh," "nyanya," and "ayaya." We're not sure how much context there is yet though. His favorite silly sound is clucking with his tongue.






He usually loves mealtimes and will eat just about anything. I make most of his food and freeze it. So far he has tried the following foods:

Mmm, cheerios!

• Apples
• Avacado
• Pears
• Peaches
• Prunes
• Mango
• Pineapple
• Papaya
• Watermelon
• Sweet Potato
• Yams
• Carrots
• Broccoli
• Peas
• Zucchini
• Summer squash
• Butternut squash
• Red Bell Pepper
• Eggplant & Tahini*
• Green Beans
• Potato
• Black Beans
• Red Lentils
• Chicken
• Organic cheerios
• Multigrain hot cereal
• Rice
• Pesto Pasta

(*He may or may not be allergic to the eggplant with tahini as he developed hives after eating it for the 4th time. We will try it again once we have some Benadryl on hand)

I <3 bathtime

He's getting pretty good at eating chunkier foods and can pick up cheerios and feed them to himself (and Cairo) with ease. He has 4 teeth (two on the bottom and two on the top) and is a drooling machine. Thankfully the excessive reflux he has had since birth has finally eased up. He still spits up sometimes, but it's significantly less. He puts everything in his mouth and bites/chews on anything he can... including mommy's shoulder (ow)!

His favorite time of day is bathtime. He loooooves the water and it's the only place where he's really motivated to move around. I usually take a bath with him so he can really enjoy the water and practice rolling, standing, walking, etc. He gets VERY excited about the faucet and handles and loves to hang onto the side of the tub while sucking on the faucet handle.

Just hangin' out

Overall, we are doing really well and enjoying every minute we get to spend with our sweet little boy. So long as he is well rested, Eli is happy, easygoing, and full of smiles.

We had a great first mother's day this past weekend. Chad bought me a fancy Blendtech blender since I'm constantly cursing out our old blenders while making baby food (seriously, this shouldn't be so hard!). It was pretty amazing to get to celebrate a holiday that had been such a sad reminder of my fertility challenges the past few years. I'm so thankful for my precious baby and for having so many supportive family & friends. =)










9 Month Stats
Age: 9 months, 10 days
Weight: 18 lbs (11th %)
Height: 28.8 inches (64%)
Head Circ: 43.8 cm (11th %)
Teeth: 4
 

<3

 

One Year Ago This Week...

One year ago this week we found out that I was pregnant from our first IVF cycle. I'm not usually sentimental about small milestones, but this time it feels appropriate to reflect.

We are so very thankful to have made it through pregnancy and delivery relatively unscathed. We are eternally grateful for our wonderful family and friends who supported and encouraged us along the way. We are ecstatic that baby Eli is healthy and thriving...

Thanksgiving day outfit change... one of many 'cause I like to throw up most of what I eat.

Also, adjusting to life with a baby is really, really hard.

I understand better than most just how fortunate we are to be able to stand here today with our perfect, beautiful baby. And I get that it could be so much harder -- we are extremely lucky that I carried him to full term and we avoided the hell of coping with a baby in the NICU. I'm thrilled that he didn't inherit my heart defect or any serious medical problems for that matter...

But wow, we were so focused on getting a baby, we were totally unprepared for actually raising one. I spent the first few months of Eli's life torn up with guilt about how hard I found all of the changes. I thought I understood exhaustion before; as it turns out I had no idea. I thought breastfeeding would be the most natural, easiest thing in the world; nothing prepared me for the excruciating pain at first and then later the frustration of having a baby who didn't nurse well. I assumed I would fall in love with Eli at first sight and adore every moment I spent with him; however there was very little I found loveable about a constantly crying baby I couldn't seem to soothe.

A year ago, I was convinced that finally having my own baby would instantly erase all of the grief and sadness from my 5 failed pregnancies. Today, I understand that there's nothing easy about living with a baby and depression doesn't just lift overnight. I was shocked to discover that finally having my dream come true actually made me more depressed. Every time Eli cried (which was a lot), I cried too. I thought maternity leave would be a time of wonder and discovery while I got to know my baby, but in reality I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to find it very enjoyable. I know some women find the newborn stage amazing and fulfilling, but I'm not one of them. I wanted to love it more than anything especially given my history, and I despised myself for feeling miserable instead.

I'm so fortunate to have family who helped me get through the dark days. Tracy and Dave, thanks again for being there for me every night while Chad was overseas and I felt like I was drowning. Mom and Dad, thank you so much for making it possible for Eli and I to stay with you in Connecticut for a few weeks. Jacque, Nicole, and Shelley, thank you for sharing your stories and helping me feel less alone. Chad, I love you so much for everything you do to make my life easier (and especially for taking over the night shift so I can get more sleep!) All of you helped me regain my perspective so I was finally able to bond with my baby.

Eli and my mom at the end of our CT visit in October

This week, Eli is 4 months old. For the past month, things have been so much better. We made it through the ordeal of sleep training (thanks, Dr. Ferber) and now he frequently sleeps through the night, in his own room. He is full of smiles and adorable baby giggles. His face lights up in delight when we greet him after a nap. Finally, finally I have completely fallen for him. Picking him up from day care is the best part of my day.

Playing on his activity mat a couple of weeks ago

Eli may never be an easy child, but I'm okay with that now. He's perfect as he is and I can't imagine life without him. As Jeff Atwood said in his blog, raising a child is 49% the most incredible pain in the ass and 51% the most sublime joy you've ever felt. It's the 1% that makes all the difference.

Smiling at Tracy last weekend during our holiday photo shoot. Thanks again, Tracy!

Quick Eli Update

I apologize for not writing sooner, but as you can imagine, life has gotten a LOT more hectic! Chad and I are getting the hang of things, but it's a slow process. We are extremely grateful to everyone who has been helping us get through the last four weeks: Chad's parents, my sister and her fiance, and of course my parents. I don't know how we'd cope without them! My mom in particular has been a life saver and we can't thank her enough for being willing to stay a few weeks longer to help us out.


It's already been a month since Eli was born, and he's doing great overall. He's frequently fussy, which has made it difficult to find time to write or do anything other than care for him. He's eating a ton and gaining weight and was up to 8lbs 1 ounce at his 2 week checkup. We're guessing he's probably close to 10 pounds now as he's already wearing 3 month clothes. We have good days and bad days; nights where he sleeps 4.5 - 5 hours at a time, and nights where he barely makes it past 2 hours. We can't wait for his schedule to even out more.

I'm planning to write a detailed account of our birth story complete with pictures since Tracy was brave enough to photograph it. Hopefully I'll have a chance to write it within the next month or so. I've included a few of Eli from the photo shoot Tracy did when he was 5 days old to tide you over for now.

Eli's Birth Stats:

Full Name: Eli Anderle Verrall
Birthday: August 5th, 2011, 12:54 PM
Birth Weight: 6 lbs, 14 ounces
Length: 19.5 inches
Eye color: Dark Blue (we suspect they will change to brown)
Hair: straight, dark brown
Apgar Score: 9 (out of 10)
Labor length: 11 hours + 20 minutes of pushing
Epidural: Yes
Days in hospital: 2.5